Chapter Eleven
The Sex
Issue Revisited
Leaving aside here the survival
instinct, which touches on renunciation less directly, let us discuss
again how the sincere renunciate ought to deal with this second-most-basic
instinct, which, for most people, is paramount in the vice-like grip
it has on their consciousness: sex desire. Paramhansa Yogananda called
this “the greatest delusion.”
What would one do, if he
suddenly found an elephant in his bedroom? For many renunciates, that
is not far from what it feels like suddenly to have sexual desire raging
in their bodies like a tempest.
There are two aspects to
the sex instinct. The first is plain animal lust. The second is love — selfless
and self-giving. Love, obviously — for one who is seeking liberation — is
the better aspect. Love alone is spiritually acceptable. Even in human
love, however, there is personal involvement of some kind, which is
always limiting to the ego.
The more one allows sex thoughts
to enter his mind, the greater will be its hold on ego. Even without
sex, however, human love is centered in attachment of some kind. And
where there is attachment, there is ego-bondage. This is not, truly
speaking, love at all.
I once said to a great woman
saint (Ananda Moyi Ma) in India, “All of us [my fellow disciples in
America and I] feel great love for you.” She replied with appreciation,
but impersonally, “There is no love outside of God’s love.” And
God’s love is forever impersonal. This is to say that, although God
cares deeply for all of us, individually, He wants nothing from us in
return, and can wait for ages, if necessary, for us to return His love
selflessly and merge back in Him. Human love is particular; it is for
one person, or for a limited number of people. It cannot but be to some
extent selfish. Being founded on the emotions, it is circumscribed by
personal feelings. And it excludes from its reckoning the needs of mankind
in general.
Only divine love is completely
impersonal, impartial, self-giving, and concerned for the well-being
of others.
Sex affirms the ego, and
thereby strengthens it. Its association with love is false. The Spanish
expression for human love states it more honestly: “Yo te quiero — I want you.”
This ego-affirmation is another
reason why the renunciate path is easier for single persons. To seek
the easier way, moreover, is by no means cowardly! One needs every ounce
of his own strength to reach the divine goal.
A married person finds it
difficult, if not impossible, to feel truly impersonal love for his
spouse. Always there lurks the thought, “He (or she) is mine!” Receiving
love in return, he/she thinks “I — me — mine!”
“I love you! You love me!”
Is that not the theme of innumerable popular songs? Where, in that thought,
is the conquest of one’s own ego? The more that personal attraction
and attachment enter the picture, the more difficult it is to break
ego’s bonds.
Next
Chapter 12: The Stages to Sannyas
